Why Do You Love Me?
by ScottieBoi
Summary: Draco is in a very low point in his life. He just dropped out of school and lives in a not so tiny apartment. Money isn't an issue for him, because his family has a big company, but he doesn't have to deal with just his annoying neighbour Harry who has a crush on him, but also with mental illness and just simply life. It's a DracoXHarry story, that has some strong language and sex?
1. Chapter 1

'Excuse me, excuse me, sir?' something started to shake my shoulder.

My eyes opened to the glowing neon lights that made my head hurt in an instant. My sight got a little blurry, then focused on the young man jolting on my shoulder. He was thin, nerdy-looking and had huge black glasses over the brown eyes, that looked tired.

'Sir, I'm afraid, that we're closing now, and you have to leave.' He said with an even voice.

Confused and disoriented I looked around. I was in a bar, so much was clear, but how did I end up here? My memory of the passed hours was very vague and unclear.

'What time is it?' I asked, my voice quiet, due to my pounding head.

'It's 4 am.' He responded and looked at me impatiently. 'our closing time.'

With a sigh, I grabbed my coat that hung over my chair and walked out into the soothing darkness of 4 am. Or a bit later, the guy at the bar just said an approximate time, it probably was a bit later than 4, like 4:12 or something.

Although I was 16, I went regularly on these blackout-drinking-trips, the muggles couldn't tell that my fake id was fake. I guess all the stress and dropping out of school and all the shit with me having a psychotic disorder and family problems led to this. All this me fucking up my life.

But I guess I didn't care. Either that or I just block out all my emotions and bottle them up until I can't anymore and explode. At least that's what my latest psychiatrist said. But he was a dick and told me stupid shit and tried to play weird games with me. I'll never visit him again. I hate psychologists and psychiatrists and those people.

I looked up and realized that my feet, that started to get tired, brought me to a park. The trees looked freaky, like they'd move any second, but I was too tired to be bothered by that.

I found an empty bench under one of these trees and sat down. I looked at my phone and scrolled through the messages and missed calls which I received while I was sleeping the alcohol out of my system in the bar. The majority of those calls came from one person; my neighbour Harry, that had a huge crush on me.

He didn't know, that I knew, but the time I spend with all those head doctors, I learned how to read people. He was also really bad at hiding it. For example, he always tries to sniff me and apparently that is not a normal thing to do, he also comes out into the hall when I do, which happens way too often to be a coincidence.

But I hate him. He is such a bother. All of his friends are asshats too and I know that they don't like me, but that feeling is mutual. I'm also very jealous of him; he has everything. He has perfect grades from what I hear, I dropped out of school, so I wouldn't know, he had friends that actually care about him, he is popular, and he is always so cheerful and hopeful. So basically, he has everything I don't. I just have a lot of money.

I sat on that bench and scrolled mindless through social media, until the sun came out and mixed colours into the earlier dark sky. Now it got lighter by the second and people started to come outside to walk their dogs or take a morning jog.

I was still pretty drunk and couldn't think clear, so I addressed a young blonde, that was about to jog by my bench.

'Hey sexy, you wanna have fun?' and I meant to go drinking somewhere or play some video games, but she misunderstood me and yelled at me.

'I am actually going to call the police.' And she swung her phone out of her pocket and called. 'Uhm, yes, hello? I'm at the park and a guy just tried to rape me?' then she talked for a bit more and then hung up. She told me not to move and then waited for the cops to arrive. I was so confused, and I was still trying to figure out, what I did wrong, so I did what I was told to; I waited.

A few minutes later the police arrived, and she explained what I said to her, then the next thing I know, I get cuffed and jammed into the police car. I look out of the grid window and sigh. This is what I consider a medium morning. There are better ways to start the day, than being driven off in a police car, but there are way worse, trust me.

When the car finally stopped, the door opened, and the police officer dragged me out of the car and pushed me in the direction of the police station. Ugh, muggles.

After a form I had to fill out, they threw me into a cell with more muggles, all of them smelling really badly and told me, that someone will have to pick me up, like my parents or something. I sat down on the floor, since the benches were full, and I didn't want to squeeze between two smelly people.

Half an hour later, an officer came and let me out of the cell. I walked with him to the front desk, curious who came. It was someone from the Ministry of Magic. He pretended to be my dad.

'Oh, son. There you are.' He said in a fatherly tone and came towards me and hugged me. Unhappily I bared the awkward hug without saying anything. 'what were you thinking, molesting a woman? I am very disappointed in you.'

I didn't say anything, just watched him fill out the realise form. After he finished, he put a hand onto my back and pushed me towards the exit and thanked the officers in the station. The moment we weren't visible to the police people, I shook his hand off my back and looked at him. He grabbed my arm and I noticed that he guided me towards the toilet in Whitehall.

He forced me to use the toilet and followed me. On the other side, more workers from the Ministry waited for me and grabbed me as soon as I arrived.

'What are you thinking, getting thrown in muggle custody?' Fudge, the Muggle Prime Minister asked me. 'Mr. Malfoy, what were you doing anyway drunk? Aren't you too young?' he shakes his head and orders: 'put him in a cell, when he sobers up, you can let him walk. But don't let this happen again, Mr., are we clear?'

"Yeah, sure, whatever.' With these words, I follow a woman, that shows me my cell and I go in. I sit down on the hard and sheet less bed and drift into thoughts. I hear voices and noises, but I can't concentrate on them, so I try to blend them out.

I look at my cellmate, who is crouching in the corner, hidden in the shadows. I wonder what he did.

Later, a ginger man came to visit me. He introduced himself as Arthur Weasly and I recognised the name. He was related to one of Harrys friends, the ginger one, Rufus?

'So, you molested a muggle woman?' he asked with a weird fascination.

'No, she understood me wrong I think.' I explained.

'So, you weren't trying to get into her panties?' he asked again, while scribbling something into his black leather notebook.

'Mister, I don't even swing that way!' I laughed and watched as his eyes transformed from confused to realising, that I'm gay.

 _That was my first chapter of this story, I hope you liked it? I enjoyed writing it, I guesss._


	2. Chapter 2

'Mister, I don't even swing that way!' I laughed and watched as his eyes transformed from confused to realising, that I'm gay.

'Oh. I didn't realise, you were…' he desperately tried to find the right word. Then he finally decided: ' _that_ ' he said, a little blushing. He didn't expect that.

'By the way, just curious, but what did this that guy do?' I asked pointing at the barely visible guy in the corner.

'What guy? You are alone in here.' Weasly said, very confused.

I looked into the corner and there was clearly someone. Maybe the ginger haired had bad sight.

'Well, I have to leave you again, you worthless fucking asshole. You should die. Everyone hates you and you are a fucking liar. No wonder you dropped out of Hogwarts, but when I think about it, it's probably better that way; now you can't bother the ones that actually _want_ to learn.' I was surprised by the man's sudden flood of insults.

'Excuse me?' I asked and shocked at the guy in front of me.

'I said, that I have to go now and that I hope, you have a nice stay here.' He said that, as if he had said it the first time.

'Okay…' I didn't want to start a whole new discussion, but I was sure, that he did say that I was a worthless asshole. Though he didn't seem like the kind of guy, that insults people in general.

I sigh and laid down onto the uncomfortable bed. My back didn't like it, but my head screamed around, that it needs rest. So I closed my eyes and sunk almost instantly to sleep.

The sound of keys rattling woke me up and I sat up on the bed and stared at Arthur Weasly, behind him a certain guy with funny-looking glasses and jet black fuzzy hair, light green eyes beaming at me with a motherly concerned look.

The older man opened my cell door and stepped aside, so I could exit. I stood up and while walking towards the opened door, I threw a look back at the guy in the corner. It was empty.

'Draco! I was so worried when you didn't come home yesterday! I am so glad that you're okay!' Harry greeted me while trying to hug me, but I managed to bring distance between the two of us.

'Why were you worried? I can come home whenever I want; it's my home. Besides; it's creepy that you know when I'm home.' I couldn't make sense of him. He was so creepy sometimes, how does he think that this will make me fall for him? If that even is his goal.

'Well, Harry here offered to bring you home safely.' The ginger haired man said, ignoring Harrys stalker comments.

'Fine.' I said a little mad, that they had to get someone to escort me home. 'Then what are we waiting for?'

Harry stopped trying to hug me and grabbed my arm so fast, that I couldn't dodge him. He pulled me through the corridor to the parking lot inside the Ministry. He jammed out his car keys and clicked them. The lights of a silver car lit up and he directed me toward that car.

As we arrived, he opened the passenger door for me and closed it, after I got in. Then he walked around the front and got in himself in the driver seat. He buckled up his seatbelt and started the engine. He looked at me with criticism and wouldn't stop.

'What?' I asked uncomfortably. I didn't like it, when people stared at me. It made me uncomfortable, because I felt judged.

'You didn't fasten your seatbelt.' He said, continuing to stare at me.

'I don't _need_ a seatbelt.' I simply said and directed my eyes to the front.

'But you have to; it's safer that way.' He insisted.

'No.'

'I am flattered, that you feel safe with me, but you really should fasten it.' I felt his green stare drilling holes into my face.

'I'm not going to fucking fasten your stupid seatbelt. Now shut up and drive. I'm hungry and need to go to the toilet.' I snapped at him. He turned his stare away from me and we sat in silence for a while. Then he started to drive.

A few minutes after, we flew above the city in the clouds. We didn't speak a word, until I heard him say without looking at me:

'I still think, that you should fasten your seatbelt.'

I could feel, that he forced himself, not to look at me.

 **You made him sad, you piece of shit. You are such a dick. He just wants to be nice to you, but nooo, you have to make him feel shit like you do with everyone who is around you. He should hate you by now. You should be grateful, that he still cares about you. Why do you push people away from you? He has to do that. I hate you. You are a burden to everyone, you should just kill yourself. But you are too afraid to do that, you fucking pussy. You disappointed everyone, your parents, your teachers, the few people that were actually your friends. You twat. You are not worth anything.**

'Draco?' A familiar voice pulled me out of my mind and made the other voices shut up. 'Are you okay? I'm sorry if I was annoying or anything. Just… don't be mad, okay?'

I looked into the green doors to his soul and I just wanted to cry. Cry until there were no fluids left in my body and until I start crying blood. I want to cry myself to death. Why was he so nice to me? I was always so rude to him, not caring about his feelings. But he didn't back down, he didn't give up.

For a moment, I considered letting him in, letting him try to fix me. I decided against it. I was too scared, that he'd hurt me even more, he'd break my pieces into even more pieces. No.

'Seriously, are you okay? You look so dead.' He looked worried.

'What do you expect? I am still hungover pretty badly and I didn't shower or change since yesterday. And I think these stains on my shirt is puke? I'm not sure.' I said half-jokingly, but it didn't seem to be funny in Harrys head.

'You were drinking?' he sounded disappointed and that made me feel a bit ashamed of myself.

'You couldn't smell that?'

'Draco, you should _really_ try to take care of yourself more.' The other said.

'I know.' I sigh.

The rest of the trip was quiet, and I looked out of the window to avoid eye contact with the driver.

When we arrived, and Harry parked his car in the garage, he stepped out of the car and I did the same. We both made our way to the elevator and he pressed the number 24, our floor.

The door closed, and Harry looked at me and acted without thinking, I assumed. He stepped up to me and pressed his lips wildly against mine. Not fully shocked, yet still pretty shocked, I didn't know how to react, so I turned my head to the side, so he was only kissing my cheek. I was expecting this behaviour for some time now, I just waited for him to make his move, so this didn't come out of the blue to me.

He obviously didn't like it, that he ended up with kissing my cheek and stepped back, his eyes glowing.

'Draco…' he said confused, his cheeks blushed, and I didn't want to even look down at his crotch. Because I was still looking to the side, he stretched out his arm and gently touched my jaw. He directed my face towards him and I looked into his eyes. So many feelings.

The elevator signalised with a _blimm_ , that we were at our floor and the metal doors opened.

'Harry, we have to talk about that, I don't think, that we can pretend like nothing happened.' With these words I stepped out of the elevator, the dark hared following me, and opened my door. I gestured to him, to come in, I followed.

In the Livingroom we both sat down on a different dark leather couch across each other.

I didn't know how to begin this conversation, but thankfully Harry, who still had this look in his eyes, did.

* * *

 _Okay. I did another chapter. Is anyone proud? [i am] wELL. Hehe. Bye._


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't know how to begin this conversation, but thankfully Harry, who still had this look in his eyes, did.

'I am _so_ sorry Draco, _please_ don't hate me, I swear, this won't happen again.' Harry had tears in his eyes.

'Do you want some coffee?' I asked ignoring his sobbing. I didn't do that, because I'm heartless or I didn't care, I just didn't know how to react.

'Yes, that'd be nice' The boy managed to say.

I stood up and strode to the kitchen. I turned on the coffee machine and soon I had two cups with coffee, one black for me and one with milk for Harry. I knew that he likes his coffee with milk, because I saw him multiple times in the café around the corner drinking a latte.

I brought the mugs to the couches and sat down, this time next to Harry, who had, to my relief, calmed down a bit. He grabbed thankfully the latte and sipped on it, looking away. I saw him staring curiously around my apartment. I don't think, he had ever visited me.

'Harry.' I said to get the attention of the one next to me. I was about to say something, but he cut me off before I got the chance.

'Draco, I think, no, I know, that I'm in love with you. But I didn't act right. I don't even know if you're gay or not, and I shouldn't have kissed you. I just couldn't help myself. You were there, and I think I misread you and I'm really sorry.' He teared up again.

'I am gay.' I said, and Harry looked up with a hopeful shine in his eyes. 'but… I don't really know what to say. No, you shouldn't have kissed me back there. But honestly, I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes, maybe even earlier.'

'What do we do now?' Harry asked and stretched his arm out and brushed mindlessly a stubborn hair lock out of my face. I was too perplexed to react and once he realised, what he did, he blushed really strongly.

Harry wasn't repelling, actually he looked hot. Slightly tanned skin, raven black hair that was in need of a haircut soon, bright green eyes. Slender build. Smart, loving and caring, determined and bold. Popular. Cheerful, full of hope, funny. He was almost perfect.

An urge to kiss him overcame me. Without thinking, I leaned in. My lips found his. He was surprised, but pleasantly. He didn't expect this. His hands found themselves on my back and caressed me gently. I put my hands on his cheeks and didn't let him pull away when he needed to take a breath. He didn't seem to mind too much.

 **He will leave you. He will start hating you. He will break you. You are unworthy of his love. He is too good for you. He'll realise, how selfish you are, and he will go. He just wants your money, he hates you. Why would he love you, you are such a useless piece of shit and everyone sees that, and he will too. We hate you. You don't deserve to live. You are a huge bother to everyone you know, now you will bother him too. You sadistic piece of shit.**

' _Shut the fuck up_!' I yelled at the other voices. ' _Just leave me alone! I fucking hate you, I hate you and you should fucking leave right now_!'

Harry jumped back, scared and not knowing, why I was shouting.

'You want me to leave?' He asked quietly and looked down at his hands. A single tear splashed onto the dark leather of the couch we were sitting on.

'No… not you. _Them_.' I said and looked away myself.

I could feel, how Harry converted his eyes onto me, confused, not knowing who I was talking about.

'Are you okay?' He asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

'Yeah, I just need a shower and some sleep on a proper bed.' Explained and hoped, that he'd understand, that I want him to leave.

He did. 'I think, I should leave in that case. I have school tomorrow and I planned to meet up with Hermione today anyway…' he excused himself. We both stood up and I escorted him to the door. He gave me a small kiss on the cheek and walked out the door.

I closed it after him.

A long shower and a change of clothes later, I searched my fridge for something edible and found absolutely nothing, so I went straight to bed.

* * *

HARRYS POV

* * *

I was so confused. Ron's dad called me today morning and told me, that they had Draco in custody. He asked if I could come pick him up and bring him home, since we were neighbours.

I agreed and got there as fast as I could with my car.

Seeing him there in this cell, was sad. He obviously didn't feel comfortable and he looked sick. His face was even paler than normally, and he had very dark rings under his eyes, that were huge. But that wasn't something new; he looked like that since a couple of months already.

I didn't know, what was going on in his life, that could have possibly caused that, but whatever it was, it was bad. He lost weight and got pretty drunk most afternoon during the week. He didn't have a job, and I have never seen or heard him having a friend over.

My heart hurt, just thinking about that. I didn't want him to suffer, he didn't deserve that. I think, that he is just misunderstood and needs someone, that will understand him. He needs someone to care for him. To be there, if he needs them.

Mr. Weasly took out the cell keys to open the door, which woke the boy inside up. His eyes crossed mine, the cold silver causing shivers run down my spine. I could never tell, what he was thinking. What laid behind those silver mirrors.

Minutes later, we were sitting in my car and what bothered me a lot, was, that he didn't buckle up his seatbelt, even though I told him multiple times, that he should do that. Draco just wouldn't listen.

I gave up and drove the car out of the garage, then into the London sky. It took all my effort, to try and not look at him, I felt like he was mad at me because of the seatbelt thing.

What if he'd be very mad at me and would stop completely talking to me? What I had was not much, I couldn't afford to lose more. I couldn't let him be really angry at me and never talk to me again, I couldn't let him down. I had to make it right. I had to make him right.

'Draco? Are you okay? I'm sorry if I was annoying. Just…' I paused for a second and looked at him. 'don't be mad okay?'

Draco broke right in front of my eyes. He didn't start crying or yelling or anything like that. He just… looked sad. Done. Broken.

'Seriously, are you okay? You look so… dead.' I asked closer.

As expected, he gave me a sarcastic answer about him not being okay, because he was hungover.

I couldn't believe, that he was drinking again, although the smell proved, that he wasn't lying. The alcohol on him was like generously sprayed cologne, that takes your breath away, literally.

'You should really try to take care of yourself more.' I tried to look him in the eyes, but he looked away.

'I know'

His answer really surprised me. It was the first time, where he wasn't sarcastic or rude to me. It felt good. I looked forward again, thinking about him being actually nice to me, for the rest of the trip.

I parked my car on my parking lot that came with the apartment and we both got out of the car and into the elevator.

There something strange beclouded my mind and the next thing I know, is, that I'm kissing the blonde on the lips. And I enjoy it. I want more. I don't care for this alcoholic taste or smell. Because under all that, is a boy, that just needs a friend. But I was planning on being more than just a friend to him.

To my surprise, he shifted moments later his head, so that my lips weren't pressed on his anymore, but on his cheek. I was confused, the next moments, my brain feels like jelly.

Next thing I know, is that I'm sitting in a Livingroom on a dark leather couch, the boy from my dreams asking me, if I want coffee.

* * *

 _I don't know, if this chapter is any good. I'm sorry that I described everything from Harrys perspective again, but I think it's important to hear his thoughts on everything. I might do that a couple more times?_

 _ALSO: THE NEXT CHAPTER CONTINUES FROM DRACOS POV. [we're done with harry for now]_


	4. Chapter 4

A long shower and a change of clothes later, I searched my fridge for something edible and found absolutely nothing, so I went straight to bed.

A deformed sound woke me up. It sounded like my doorbell, but not right, the tone was off. The more my brain woke up, the better the doorbell sounded, until it was normal again. I stood up from my bed and waited for a second to regain my balance. My head was still spinning, but I managed to get out to the corridor that led to my door. I looked through the spy and saw a guy standing there.

 **He's here to kill you. You deserve it. He'll kill you if you open the door. Don't open the door. But he has to open the door. Useless. He knows. He'll kill you. You can't open the door, he'll end you. You are so fucking useless, you should let him kill you.**

I opened the door and stuck my head out.

'What?' I asked annoyed.

'Your mother sends me. I am your new psychiatrist. My name is Dr. Murray.' The man in front of me said and tried to mover past me, but I blocked his way.

'My mother? I don't need a psychiatrist. You should leave.' I spat out. I hated it, when my mum sends head doctors over to my house, without me knowing. She doesn't tell me, because she's worried that I'd leave my house or pretend that no one was home when I knew that a psychiatrist was coming, which I'd actually do.

'Come on, I drove a very long way. Please let me talk to you.' He tried to get past me once again.

'So that you can tell me, that I'm mentally unstable, that I have a bad psychotic disorder and that I should take some disgusting pills against that? No thank you, I don't need _you_ for that. The half a million other doctors I visited already told me that. But that's bullshit. I am fine. I am okay. I don't need your help, _Mr. Murray_.' These people always annoyed me really much, since I was a little kid, my mum made me visit them. 'And I don't need you pills, I have my own in the bathroom.' I added, so that he really wouldn't have any argument to come in and dissect my head.

 **Now you've done it. Now he'll get angry and disappointed, like everyone else in your life. Well done. Stop lying to yourself. You actually want to talk about it. Stop behaving so tough, because you're not. You are a wimpy pussy, that only puts up a tough façade, to hide your emotions. You're disappointing. Look, he's leaving. You bitch. You do know, that this is his work. You fucking asshole prevented him from doing his work.**

'Wait.' I can't believe that I'm doing this. 'Dr. Murray, wait. Fine, you can come in.' I said angry at myself for giving in.

'Really?' he turned back and a big smile on his face lit up.

'Yes. But don't expect me, to offer you something to drink or anything like that.'

'I'll be fine.' He said, squeezing past me and into my flat.

I led him to the Livingroom and we both sat down each on an opposite couch. I was sitting on the couch that Harry and I sat on earlier.

'I don't think, I need to ask you, if you have seen other psychiatrists, you made that very clear earlier.' He said and then continued. 'Why do you think, that your mum made you go to these psychiatrists?' He looked me in the eyes.

'Because she got the idea that I'm mentally ill, stuck in her stupid head.' I answered and wanted this to be over quickly.

'And why do you think that is?' he pushed the question more.

'I don't know, probably because she's crazy?' he didn't seem pleased with my answer, but he continued that long row of questions that are yet to come.

'Can you tell me, why you think that she's crazy? How do you know?'

'Because she's acting like that since my dad left. She needs someone to take care of, and I became her next victim.' I blocked out all my emotions for this answer. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of me crying in front of him.

'Do you think, that the reason for your… condition… could be because your father left?' I've heard different variants of this sentence many times, but it still hit me right in the heart every time.

My Father – I didn't remember him much – left when I was seven. He had enough of mostly me, never seemed to care about me much. Always ignored me, ordered to have at least a meter distance between us. He was not abusive physically, but I felt like didn't have a father. The whole thing with me going crazy started before he left. I always told my mum what I heard and saw, and she brought me for the first time to a psychologist. My father got angrier, because these visits made my mum spend less time with him. Then he finally had enough and left. I didn't see him since.

'No.' I said with a strong voice. 'I think he left because of it.'

One hour of these questions later, I didn't cry a single time and I could see that the other was disappointed by that, it was finally the time for Murray to leave. I was so glad.

I saw him to the door and went back to my bedroom, where I changed into some fresh clothes. Then, when I was sure, that Murray was gone, and I wouldn't cross paths with him, I took the elevator downstairs and walked to the café around the corner and hoped, that no one would start talking to me.

I was wearing all black and sunglasses, which I think made it pretty clear that I didn't want to have a conversation with anyone.

In the café, I ordered a salad and a black coffee. I got my order, payed and walked across the tables to one by the window with only two seats. I sat down and started filling my empty stomach with the salad I ordered.

Some muggle music was playing through the radio in the café and filled the room with a soft female voice and some popish sounding music in the background.

I was deep in thoughts as a not really tall figure approached my table and sat down on the other chair in front of me. I didn't pay much attention to the person, I assumed that all the other tables were full and that this was one of the few ones with a spot left and that I looked like a person that wouldn't start a conversation and that person didn't wat to talk to others as much as I di-

'Malfoy' a female voice that sounded familiar hissed at me. I looked up. A girl with long brown messy hair that hid a pair of brown intelligent eyes was sitting across the table.

'Hmmh?' I grumbled, not especially happy about her forcing me to have a conversation.

'Can you explain, what you want from Harry?' she demanded from me and I remembered Harry saying that he was meeting up with her. Jealousy flooded me out of the blue. I wanted to have friends too, ones I could tell everything and about everyone and they wouldn't judge me, laugh at me or any of that crap.

'Malfoy, answer me!' she leans forward and brings me back from my thoughts to the café.

'Hermione, I don't know okay. _He_ kissed _me_. I didn't force myself onto him, he wanted it. Now please leave me alone.' She had something about her, that just pissed me off in an instant.

'But it's so clear, that you don't like him back! You are not physically capable of love, Malfoy!' It hurt, her words. I didn't like them. But I was too exhausted to snap back.

'I understand that you're worried about him, because you are one of his best friends and it's very nice that you worry about him and all, because that's what friends are for, right? And I know, that we got off on the wrong foot in school and you think that I'm this evil monster and maybe I am, I don't know. But keep in mind, that he might end up hurting me in the end and I won't have such good friends like he does to have my back and help me. I can promise you, that I am going to live my life like before and he can decide if he wants to do… that. I'm not even sure myself that _I_ want to do that. Can you please leave me alone now, I am drinking coffee.' Perplexed she didn't know how to react, because I never said such halfway nice words to her and she saw that I'm not that evil, but she wanted me to be. She stood up without another word and left me alone, to my pleasure.

 _AYAYAYYAYAYAYYA new chapterrr! Tbh I don't think, that this story is going to be uploaded that regularly cuz now I hav holidays but soon school will start again T-T *ded_


	5. Chapter 5

Perplexed she didn't know how to react, because I never said such halfway nice words to her and she saw that I'm not that evil, but she wanted me to be. Hermione stood up without another word and left me alone, to my pleasure.

Finished my meal and headed back home but decided to take a walk through the city.

I had to sort my feelings first, then I could head back home and possibly face Harry. Harry. How did I feel about him? I searched deep inside of my head, my heart and my stomach while walking down the now empty streets of London. It was late Lunchtime, so everyone was eating in the now crowded restaurants and cafés with their windows open to the streets.

I had to try to unravel the huge knot of emotions inside me, try to understand them. There was confusion, sadness, self-pity. A small, but consistent amount of attraction towards the boy that lived, but the dominant feeling towards him was still hate. Hate, that he was better than me. Hate caused by jealousy, by envy and I didn't know how to handle that.

Was I even capable of loving? Or was Granger right? Was I actually the monster she pictured when she heard the name Draco Lucius Malfoy? My name?

My legs started hurting, so I turned around and strolled back to my flat. Like I expected, Harry was there, waiting for me. What I didn't expect was, that he'd be sleeping leaned against my door. Shaking my head, I picked him up from the floor after I opened my door and carried him inside. He wasn't the lightest, but I managed to put him down onto my bed without him waking up, if that had happened it'd have been very awkward.

I put a blanket over sleeping Harry and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind me.

Not knowing, what to do now, I sat down in my study and opened my laptop. I mindlessly looked through my social media once again when a direct message surprised me. No one ever messages me. I opened it.

LOVEGOODLU: heyy are you draco

It seemed strange. Why did that person message me? How should I respond? Were they going to make fun of me? I decided, that since I had nothing else to do, I could chat with this person.

 _dracolikessnakes: yah i think i am_

LOVEGOODLU: niccee

LOVEGOODLU: i'm luna. u know, the one from school

 _dracolikessnakes: hahah i don't go to school anymore. I dropped out_

LOVEGOODLU: really? You still seem pretty popular around here tho

 _dracolikessnakes: popular? Me? I think you have mistaken me for someone. I am not popular, especially in Hogwarts_

LOVEGOODLU: but there are still stories about the legendary school dropout!

 _dracolikessnakes: well what can i say i am pretty legendary after all_

 _dracolikessnakes: but wait_

 _dracolikessnakes: i think i remember u_

 _dracolikessnakes: ur the girl that looks like the female version of me, right; pale, lightblonde hair, grey eyes_

LOVEGOODLU: yeeh that's me

 _dracolikessnakes: but y did u text me i'm like the school loser that dropped out_

LOVEGOODLU: oh yah, i just wanted to know, if u could tutor me in some subjects

 _dracolikessnakes: waaat but why me_

 _dracolikessnakes: i literally quit school_

LOVEGOODLU: yes; that means that you have more time to mentor me than other people

 _dracolikessnakes: uhhh sure? I think? So, can you text me the details?_

LOVEGOODLU: waaaa, really? thankusomuch!

She texted me the details and we arranged to meet here in my apartment tomorrow at 4pm. I got off the laptop and heard moments later a loud thud in the next room, which was the bedroom.

I jogged over, to see what happened and when I opened the door, I say Harry on the floor, wrapped in the blanket.

'Did you… fall down?' I asked, not knowing, if I should be laughing or not.

'Yes' the other admitted after a while of staring at me. 'Am I in _your_ bedroom?' he asked then, analysing the whole room.

I looked around too. The walls were light grey, the floor a black wood with a white floof-rug. The bedframe was thin and made of black painted metal, the bedsheets a greyish black design with a black sheet under it. Nightstands on both sides of the queen-sized bed, that hung down on rope from the ceiling. On both of them were a ton of messily stapled mugs and books. There were two dark wooden doors leading out of the room, one to my closet the other one to the master bathroom.

'This is my bedroom, yes. Why do you ask?'

'Because I woke up in here. Why am I in here?' he demanded to know.

'When I came home, I found you sleeping on my doormat, what else would I do? I couldn't get past you without waking you and I didn't wanna do that, because once you were awake, we'd have to _talk_.' I said, but that wasn't true completely. I liked how he looked like when he slept, and I didn't want to disturb him because he looked so peaceful – something I can't do while I sleep. 'By the way, your friend found me, and we had a talk.' I mentioned.

'What, _who?_ ' he seemed surprised, she probably didn't tell him, that she planned to have a talk with me.

'Oh, you know. Just one of your friends. Maybe they will tell you.' I answered. 'Now that you are awake, you can leave.'

'You want me to leave?' He asked, eyes on me, a little shocked.

'What – just because we kissed like once, you live here?' I really just wanted him to leave. I still had to figure out, how I felt about him, I didn't need him to be here for that.

'Why do you have to be like that?' he asked and I stared back at him, confused that he asked that.

'Like what?'

'Just stop pushing people away, stop being mean to them. I know, that this isn't _you_. I know, that you are a good person, that has feelings too, like normal people. So please start behaving like one. And stop sending me mixed signals. Don't carry me into your flat, let me sleep in your bed and then tell me to fucking leave. I am not your plaything, accept that I have feelings and that they happen to be for you, doesn't give you the right, to play with them. I know, that this isn't you.' Harry finally said, what was on his mind for some weeks now, and I felt somehow proud that he said it out loud. But he also overstepped his boundaries.

'What the _fuck_ do you know about me, how do you think, that you know me? Not everyone is good, Potter, not everyone is _you_. I won't just stand still, while you make fucking false assumptions of me. _You do not know me_. I am not the boy that you can just take and be with, so you can feel better about yourself. And I do not want you to tell me what to do, especially while being in _my_ flat. If I want you to leave _my_ apartment, you fucking leave my apartment without any objections. Now get the fuck out.' I was mad. Who did he think, he was? With his perfect life with those perfect fucking friends and grades and all.

Harry seemed like he was about to cry, but I didn't care. I stepped out of my bedroom and proceeded to the kitchen. I needed caffeine. Badly.

I heard how Harry left my flat with a bang.

I was alone, finally.

 **We told you. He'd leave. You stupid asshole. You should die. You are useless. You are just a burden, just end it finally. No one needs you, no one wants you. You have no purpose. You are so stupid, now a girl will depend on you, to help her with her grades. She'll leave too. Useless. I hate you. We hate you. Everyone does. You are a fucking bitch.**

I took a plate out of the cabinet in the kitchen and without thinking, I threw it against a wall. With amusement I watched the white porcelain shatter loudly against it and how the pieces flew in all directions. I took another one and repeated the process. Once, twice, three times. Four, five, six, seven plates are in deadly pieces on my kitchen floor, shattered like my feelings. I walked barefoot over the porcelain and didn't feel any pain. Painless. [ _Authors note: please don't do that irl! It hurts!_ ]

Leaving bloody footprints behind, I walked around for a bit in my apartment, playing around with the footprints. I slowly felt more and more lightheaded. I started to find everything funny and laughed about myself, my life, about Harry, about the fight we had earlier.

Somehow I ended up at Harrys door, ringing the bell over and over, but no one responded, no footsteps in the flat whatsoever.

I didn't like being ignored by him, so I acted without thinking and kicked the door down with the help of the adrenaline that shot through my body like a bunny being hunted by a lion.

I stepped in, yelling Harrys name through the apartment. Finally I spotted him, laying on his sofa with a beer bottle in his hand and some shattered pills on the floor and coffee table.

My brain didn't realise the situation, until I had my phone by my ear. I didn't know who is was calling, but I just went along with it.

'999, what's your emergency?'

* * *

 _HiYA! How are youu? I finished another chapter! *pats myself on the back_

 _I hope you liked itt!_


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't know who is was calling, but I just went along with it.

'999, what's your emergency?'

* * *

The ambulance arrived shortly after I hung up. Paramedics stormed the flat and placed Harry on a stretcher, rushing him to the car. Another paramedic grabbed me by my shoulders and directed me towards the elevator. It was tight with the stretcher and the three paramedics and me, I couldn't get enough air.

But soon the elevator opened and released the people inside, allowing me to breathe again. The guy, who had me by my shoulders, tried to push me into the ambulance as well, but I refused, saying that Harry needs it, not me. But he only responded, that there was enough space for both of us and I allowed him to push me inside onto one of the seats.

'Your feet – what happened?' the same guy asked as the ambulance drove away.

'I don't remember. But that's not important. Is he going to be okay?' he didn't get, that Harry was in a way worse condition.

'You can't walk around like that' he grabbed one of my feet before I could react and looked at the sole. 'It's full of – what is that, porcelain?' he shook his head. 'You'll have to have surgery.'

'I don't fucking care about my damn feet, is _he_ going to be _okay_?' he really didn't get his priorities right. But he still kept on ignoring me.

'I'll have to carry you.'

I gave up on getting an answer out of him.

A few silent minutes later, the ambulance stopped and Harry was carried out of the car and away, the paramedic who talked with me earlier, picked me up bride-style and took me in a building. I was so embarrassed, because I was being carried. I just wanted to disappear and not come back.

He was strongly build and had very tanned skin. He carried me, as if I was as light as a straw; without any effort he brought me into the front desk room and sat me down on one of the plastic chairs. He went up to the front desk and got a paper and a pen, which he brought back and handed to me.

'Once you fill it out, I can bring it to the front desk and then take you to the OP hall.' He told me and gave me an encouraging look.

Silently and pissed I took the paper and pen and filled it out. I filled out the form and smiled to myself when I read _does patient have any mental illnesses_ and filled it out with _I'm suspected of having schizophrenia._ I finished with a signature and gave the piece of paper to the paramedic, who sat down next to me.

He looked it over and noted: 'You didn't write, who your next of kin is, you have to fill that out, in case something happens.'

'I don't have one.' I simply answered and looked challenging into his eyes.

'But you have to have _someone_?' he wouldn't let it go.

'No, I don't. Can you please hand in the form, or should I do that?' why is he so hard to talk to?

'You stay right where you are.' He glared at me, stood up and handed the form over to the front desk lady. Then he returned to me and picked me up like he did earlier.

'You know, you could have given me a wheelchair – you don't have to carry me.' I commented unhappily. I felt weak.

'Maybe – but that way I can talk to you better.' He grinned, and I felt even more uncomfortable, because I noticed that his face is only a few centimetres away from mine.

I didn't say anything as he carried me into a hall, where he put me down on the bed in the middle. More people came in, but the paramedic already put me under anaesthetics and the world around me slowly blanked.

* * *

I woke up in a bright room in a white bed. Around both of my feet was something wrapped, what I assumed to be bandages. I studied the room closer and saw another bed to my left and in it a dark-haired slim guy, his glasses on the table next to him. On that table I also saw some flowers and balloons, even a stuffed bear. I was scared to look at my table. Scared that there would be nothing. No get-well cards, no flowers or stuffed animals.

I sat up straight in the bed and looked more closely at Harry. He seemed to be quite okay, just a bit pale.

'Draco, are you here? Is that you?' his voice was a bit raspy.

'Yeah. Long story. How are you though? You were in way worse shape than me.' I sounded worried and I hated it.

'I guess I'm still alive. Am I correct to assume, that you were the one I owe my life to?' he seemed sad and I wanted to make him the happy old Harry, that would stalk me. I didn't like new Harry, that lies in hospital beds next to failed abortions such as myself.

'That's not important. Just… don't do that again? Okay?' I could not sink any lower than the sentences I just spoke, and I hated myself for that.

'Why are you here, what happened to you?' he smiled at me with the small amount of energy that he still had. This must be really exhausting for him.

I decided to tell him. 'I walked on plates, that I shattered before, if you must know.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah, no big deal.' I looked closer at my feet. They were, like I already assumed, bandaged and I could feel the stitches hurtfully reminding me of my outburst, every time I moved my toes.

'Hey Draco?' Harry asked and I looked up.

'Yeah?'

'Are you okay? Like for real.' He drilled his eyes into my face and waited patiently for a response.

'Why would I not be? Besides the about thousand stiches in my feet.' I said confused.

'And mentally?' he stared intensely at me and I had to look away.

'I think so? Why do you ask? How did this idea cross your mind? Was my mother here?' I didn't want to admit to him, that I had mental illnesses. That'd be even more embarrassing for me and it'd make the difference between us even bigger.

'A psychiatrist was here and he talked to the nurse about the operation. He also left some chocolates on the table next to your bed for you.' I followed his glance and there they were. My get-well presents. A cheap box of chocolate and a single bouquet that consisted of roses.

'Who are the flowers from?' I asked Harry and looked at him back, hoping he wouldn't notice that I'm trying to change the subject.

He didn't. 'I don't know. They were already there when I woke up. But Draco, why didn't you call Hogwarts? We'd be better off in the nursery there.'

'I don't know. I didn't realise that I was calling someone until 999 picked up.' I informed him.

'Hello.' A woman came in with some papers and looked at us sharp. 'Mr. Malfoy, why are you sitting up? You should be lying down and not moving.' She lectured me.

'Can you tell us, when we can go home? I have an important appointment tomorrow, which I absolutely have to attend.' I asked, earning a curious look form Harry.

'Well, Mr. Malfoy, you could be out by tonight, if you agree on sitting in a wheelchair for the next three weeks and then come by the hospital to get checked up. Mr. Potter however is going to stay here for the next week and after his release he is going to go to a psychologist.' She answered with a nosey voice and looked judgingly at us.

She checked the machines by Harrys bed and then left, mumbling something homophobic, which we both just ignored.

'Draco, if you tell me something – anything about you, that I want to know, I will tell u anything about me in return as well. Okay? Please?' he looked up to me from his bed.

'Okay. What do you want to know?' I agreed and started thinking about the question I will get to ask him.

'Draco what exact mental health disorder do you have?' he asked the one question, i didn't want to answer.

'This… I don't really want to answer, but I know that you'll find out somehow anyway. Just know that this isn't easy for me. My mum and all the psychiatrists that she dragged me to, are convinces that I have schizophrenia.' I looked at my hands, that I intervened in my lap.

'And do you have it?'

'Yes' I said so quiet that I barely heard myself. But Harry heard, understood. Now he's going to think of himself better than me, which he actually is.

'What is your question?' he felt the uncomfortable aura that spread through the room like wildfire.

'I don't have one now, but can I use it another time?' I asked low-spirited.

'Sure.'

I lied back down onto the hospital bed and closed my eyes. I pretended to have fallen asleep fast, to avoid more social interaction.

I didn't dream well.

* * *

 _YAYAy I finally finished this chapter too. Yayay. I'm so tired, but I can't go to sleep yet -.- I hope you are well-rested? [I have a feeling that this chapter is shit, but I'm just gonna upload it anyway..]_


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't dream well.

* * *

Voices brought me back to the small hospital room assigned to Harry and me. I slowly opened my eyes and sat up on the white sheets of the hospital bed.

'Ah, Mr. Malfoy. I see you're awake. Good.' An old and familiar voice greeted me, as I noticed, that I'm not in the hospital anymore, in which I fell asleep. An old man with a huge white beard was looking at me. It took me a moment, to remember him.

A confused 'Professor Dumbledore?' escaped from my mouth, while I was trying to figure out, where I exactly was. Then it hit me like a rock that someone threw at my head with the highest precision, hitting where they planned to. I was in the infirmary at Hogwarts. 'Wait, why am I here?'

'Well we couldn't leave you or Harry there – You'll be okay in no time.' He answered and moved closer to my bed.

Come to think of it, I didn't feel any bandages on my feet.

'So… are my feet healed?'

'Yes, they should be.

'Err… Draco?' I heard a soft female voice from somewhere in the room, I couldn't tell from which part. Then a white blonde girl looked over Dumbledore's shoulder at me. Grey eyes looked at me curiously.

'Yeah?' I asked confused, looking at the girl.

'You… promised to tutor me in potions, remember?' she asked, and her silver eyes met mine.

'O yeah. Right. Right now though?'

'Yes; now come along, we have to find a nice and quiet spot, which will be hard, but not impossible.' She took my hand and pulled me away from the bed and Dumbledore, who looked amused and waved me goodbye.

'Wait, what do you mean, it'll be hard to find a quiet spot; Hogwarts is generally a quiet place.' Confused I dug around in my memories of my time here.

'You'll see.' She sighs and opened the door, to a loud shriek of collected voices.

'Is it him?'

'Aaaa, I hope he'll notice meeee!'

'I think I see him!'

'What a dream!'

'I heard he can be quite charming!'

'I want him to charm me!'

Luna directed me through a huge crowd of girls of different Hogwarts houses, all of them trying to grab me and pull me, but I swiftly dodged every grabby-hand and the huge nails, which could actually scrape me pretty badly an I'd have to go back to the infirmary.

The crowd didn't seem to have an ending and the shrieks of the females made my ears almost bleed. I was ready to just give in, give myself to those girls to claw me into tiny pieces, as Luna pulled me into a side hall, away from those girls.

'What was that.' I asked both Luna and myself.

'I told you, that you were kinda popular around here; the legendary dropout.' She grinned awry and I had to shift my lips to a tiny smile.

'That's what hell is like.' I commented, and she nodded with agreement. Then we went along the hallway, until we found an empty classroom.

'Wait, so what do you want to learn from me?'

'Uh, I kinda suck at potions, but that's the only thing I need help with, really.' her voice was clear and high, but not shriek-high as the other girls.

'I'm actually only good at potions, so that's perfect.' Said and started answering all of the questions regarding that subject and explaining everything as good as I could.

'Oh gosh, look at the time! You have to go home, Draco, Hagrid will take you home. I asked him, and he agreed, but only when we make it until seven, because that's when he goes himself and he's not gonna wait for you.' She almost yelled and packed her books hastily.

'Hagrid?' I was able to ask, before she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the hallway again, this time without the shrieking and scraping girls.

She directed me through the school, waking up old memories, like my first-time meeting Harry. Or when I got sorted into slytherin. Or the Yule Ball, which I spent crying in my bed, alone, only showing up to get some food and look jealously at the dancing people that had fun. Good times.

We finally got to the outside and I took a deep breath. The air here was so much different, I kinda missed it. It was so fresh and energising, the opposite to my dump and dusty apartment air.

We reached Hagrid's hut and met him outside of it, next to a car, that looked pretty beaten up.

'Ah, there you are.' He grumbled and stretched his hand to shake mine.

After I shook his hand, he nearly broke all of the bones in it, he opened a bumpy door for me and Luna hugged me, before turning and running back to the school, talking about how late she is.

I was so surprised by that hug, that Hagrid had to push me lightly into the car. Then he started talking to it, told it my address after he asked me first and in no time, we were flying away from the school, towards London.

The ride was quiet, except for Hagrid's out-of-tune humming.

* * *

 _HEhEHHEHheheehE I know, I know. I didn't update this story in like 3 weeks… but… its here now…I think… well I'm gonna try to write a new chapter every week? I think?Maybe on the weekends? [this is also a kind of short chapter, but I swear they'll get longer!]_


	8. Chapter 8

The ride was quiet, except for Hagrid's out-of-tune humming.

He stopped on the street in front of my apartment and let me out with a few good-bye words, before driving off again, leaving me in the rainy street.

I found my keys in my pocket and opened the door before getting into the elevator. I checked the time on my phone and realised, that the cleaning lady should be here in half an hour. The elevator doors opened with a _blimm_ and I stared into Harrys apartment, because his door was still broken down. I successfully repressed the memories of last night and opened quickly my own door.

Dark bloody footprints were all over the place, but I just didn't look.

 **Do you really think, that if you don't see it, it's not there? That's stupid. You're stupid. That was a bad idea. You shouldn't do anything – just GO. You're such a bother – even to yourself. Just look what you did to your own body. First the alcohol and now walking over broken plates. You're so stupid. Everyone keeps getting hurt because of you. You're useless. Stupid. An abortion.**

The doorbell saved me from my thoughts. The cleaning lady was here, and I could see in her eyes, that she was trying to figure out, what had happened, while being annoyed, that she had to clean that whole mess up.

'When you're finished, could you maybe go into the apartment next door and clean there too? I'm going to pay you extra, of course.' I instructed her, and she nodded.

I walked out of my apartment to give her space and my feet led me to the doorframe of Harrys apartment. The curious side of me won the short argument about whether or not I should go in there, so I stepped in the dark apartment.

It was darker and smaller than mine, the floor was made out of wood and the furniture was wooden too. Small accents in yellow and red made it look happier. The Livingroom was crammed with a couch, a coffee table, a TV and a desk with a laptop on it. The rug was yellow, the pillows on the grey couch were yellow and red, the pills still shattered on the floor. I picked the empty beer bottle up and took it with me into the kitchen, where I threw it in the trash, that was hidden under the nice steel-sink in his dark-wood kitchen.

The room was tiny, but it felt very homey and I could imagine brewing my morning coffee here. In comparison was my kitchen more cold, black marble on white wood and I always started my day sipping black coffee in that coldness.

For me, my world is and has always been black and white – good and evil. My dad and my mum. Blood and laughter. Friends and me. Others and me.

But Harrys world seemed to be totally different. Colours everywhere brought life in, warmth. Feeling safe. Being held by another. Making me happy.

I wandered back to the small hall and looked through a door, that led me to his bedroom. It was tiny like the rest of his apartment, but it felt as warm as the other rooms. I could actually imagine wanting to stay in this bed, sleep through the day – something I could never do in my bed. My bedroom was only there for me to sleep in and change clothes. Nothing more, nothing less.

The bed was messy, the green-red sheets were partly on the floor. A middle-sized wooden wardrobe was next to the door, mirrors on its own two doors. I couldn't bring myself to open that and pry too much, but a door opposite from where I was standing peaked my interest. It must be his bathroom.

Harrys bathroom would say a lot about him, I'm sure of it. But then again – should I be really snooping around his flat? I'd honestly prefer it, if he'd show me himself.

So I left, despite the urge to explore more. Since I couldn't go back to my own flat because I didn't want to disturb the cleaning lady, I went outside, back into the light drizzle.

For about an hour I walked around mindlessly, going into shops, buying clothes, going back onto the streets, going into other shops, buying more clothes, ending up on the streets again.

I thought a lot about what had happened over the short time span of the past two days. Harry finally kissed me. He went to the hospital because of me. I met up with that Luna girl. I was almost killed by a mob of Hogwarts girls. I liked Harry.

Wait – what? I stopped thinking. Did I just think, that I liked Harry? Do I? Do I like that fucking asshole, that has everything that I don't? _yes._ I just couldn't lie to myself, because I already knew it. I did like him. Maybe more. But I was also scared. Scared, he'd break me more. Scared, he'd start to hate me, because he'd realise, what a narcissistic abortion I am. Scared, I'd end up alone again. I didn't know, if I was allowed to hope again, spread my wings, just to see them being cut off again? I didn't know.

'I hate life.' I said out loud and a few muggles turned around to stare at me, I didn't care though, I was too tired.

I made my way back to my apartment and met the cleaning lady by the elevator, about to leave.

'Wait, Betty, don't you want your money?' I asked bewildered. Normally she'd stay and wait for me until I came back to pay her.

'Mr. Malfoy, I'd trust you to pay me next time.' She smiled at me.

'No, no. Here is your money. Thank you, you did a great job' I smiled slightly back at her and handed her the money. It was three times as much, as I usually payed her, but she did clean up two apartments, which I was grateful for. 'Please just take it.' I added, as I saw in her eyes, that she wanted to protest.

'Thank you so much Mr. Malfoy, till next week!' and she slipped into the elevator.

I went back into my cold apartment and searched for some trash bags and tape. Once I found those, I quickly taped the trash bags into one big piece and taped that onto the doorframe of Harrys flat, so no one could enter. Then I went back into my flat and jumped without changing into bed and fell instantly asleep.

* * *

 _Fuck the 'regular uploads' – imma upload whenever I feel like it. I hope you like this chapter, I just need to give draco some time to calm down, but I have great things for him planned._

 _Also I have no idea, if this story is any good – I feel like it's total trash, but I guess you read so far – AND THANKS FOR THAT!_

 _And I swear, these chapters will get longer!_


	9. Chapter 9

Then I went back into my flat and jumped without changing into bed and fell instantly asleep.

* * *

Slowly my mind came back from dreaming into reality, but I didn't mind. I woke up happily. That was a first. I trotted to the kitchen, humming joyfully. I turned on the coffee machine and in about a minute, I was holding a warm cup of coffee.

I sat down onto my couch and looked at the clock. 11 am. I've never slept that long and well before and it made me happy. I decided, that today was a good day.

Because I knew that my fridge was empty, I planned to go shopping. Once I finished my coffee, I returned to my bedroom and took a quick shower. I put on an oversized pastel pink hoodie and some black ripped skinny jeans. Then I grabbed my wallet and phone, then walked out of my apartment, closing the door behind me.

The next supermarket was ten minutes away, so I took a short walk through the crowded street.

 **What are you even doing? Do you honestly think, that you can just go on with your life? After what happened? You're so fucking stupid. I hate you. Everyone does. There; people are going out of you way, they're avoiding you. You're toxic. You should die. Go back home, this is no place for you. You'll never fit in. You'll never be normal.**

 **Fool. You're so dumb, but what do you expect from someone, that dropped out of Hogwarts? Can you feel me shake my head? We're all so disappointed. No wonder your dad walked out on your mum and you. Just imagine having a stupid and incompetent abortion as a son. You'd leave too.**

'Shut the fuck up, I'm busy.' I mumbled to myself as I entered the store. I really couldn't be bothered with them right now.

I quickly found everything I needed, then I just walked around looking at the products and people. And there was a lot of both.

Cheese, fat people, thin people, grapes, apples, bananas, posh people, dish soap, hand soap, goths, a gay couple, old people, toothpaste, children, toilet paper and much more.

But what surprised me the most, was, when I walked out, a semi-familiar red-haired guy waited for me, leaning against a lamppost.

'Draco, there you are! I can't believe, that I have to be nice to you now.'

'You… don't have to be nice.' I replied confused. Why do people just appear out of nowhere? Why can't they just leave me alone? 'Why are you here and how did you know, that I was here?'

'I, uh, followed you… damn that's creepy when you say it out loud.' He chuckled nervously.

'Okay… but… why?'

'I mean, my best friend can't shut up about you… so I thought that I'd give you another chance? I also have to check out Harrys apartment and you have a key to the building.' He explained and blushed slightly.

 **He's here to kill you.**

 **He'll do it, finally. About time.**

'Uhm, okay? Then let's go? Care to help me with these?' without waiting for the response, I shoved all the plastic bags into his hands and turned in the direction of home. I could feel how confused he was, but he quickly caught up with me.

'So, what's with the pink? You're not dressed like you'll be attending a funeral later.' He commented, and I ignored the saltiness in his sentence.

'No, today I felt like pink. Have a problem with that?' I snapped back at him, then I saw _him_. The guy from the ambulance, from the hospital. And I remembered, that he was hitting on me so badly. I didn't have enough time to think about how to avoid him, so I vastly hooked my arm into Ron's and hissed silently 'Play along!'

'Oh, hey! Remember me? Haii!' the hospital guy almost yelled in my direction as soon as he saw me. But as soon as he saw Ron next to me, and that I was hooked in with him, his smile dropped a little.

'Yeah, I remember. I don't think, you've met my boyfriend yet?' I answered with a fake smile and presses myself even more into Ron. 'This is Joey.' I added, pointing at Ron.

'No, I don't remember you mentioning, that you had a boyfriend. In fact, I remember you refusing to write a next-of-kin on your paper. Wouldn't a boyfriend be at least someone?' he was annoying me so hard. 'By the way, I'm Jeff. Nice to meet you.' He shook Ron's Hand and it looked painful. Ron was a bit surprised and confused and also a bit uncomfortable, but he did an okay job at pretending to be my boyfriend.

'Okay, well we need to go, see you around though!' I didn't mean that 'Shall we, honey?' I asked Ron and pulled him forwards.

Once we brought enough distance between Jeff and us, I let go of the ginger boy.

'Why?' was his only question.

* * *

 _OKII well I did another chapter – it's short, butt I promise, there will be another chapter this week and yah. I have Monday to Wednesday free, so I'll write then too [probably] yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_


	10. Chapter 10

'Why?' was his only question. And he sounded disappointed. I instantly knew, that he'd want answers sooner or later and I didn't know if my introvert-persona could handle that much social interaction.

'Just come on – I'll explain later.' I started pulling him again.

 **Wow. Just – wow. How can someone fuck up that badly? Oh, no never mind. It's you, so that's not that unexpected. You were always a huge fuckup.**

 **And a waste of oxygen. You do know, that there are people who need this oxygen more than you? Right?**

We arrived at the entry and I let Ron in, then we went both into the elevator.

'But honestly, do I look like a Joey? That is not that bad? I think?' he asked more himself than me while staring at his own face in the elevator mirror. 'Wait, so who was that?' he asked as he snapped back to reality.

'Just a guy, who's been hitting on me and it makes me uncomfortable.' I looked away. I was not in the mood to explain my whole love-life to Ron, but I hoped that at least that much would shut him up for now.

It didn't.

'How do you mean hitting on you? As in flirting? With you? But… how do you even know him?' he flooded me with questions.

'Well, Ron, your best friend has been flirting with me too, so don't act that surprised. And Jeff was the paramedic that took me to the hospital when I cut open my feet – the time Harry was dying? Remember?'

The elevator signalised us, that we were on the right floor and we both exited, Ron let me exit first, like a true gentleman.

He looked shocked at Harrys doorframe and my makeshift door. 'What is that?' his eyes were wide as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

'That… oh, yeah. I kicked down the door and well, I had to figure out a way to keep people out… and since I'm not officially allowed to do magic, since I dropped out of school, I had to get creative.' I don't know, why I explained myself. He should be glad, that I did that. 'I'm just asking, because it's a thing that people do, and I don't really want you to accept. Ronald, would you like to have some coffee? And again, I do not want you to accept.'

'Coffee? Sound great!' he said enthusiastically, forgetting about my masterpiece of trash bags, taped together.

'Did you not hear me? I said, that I don't want you to accept!' I tried to stop him, but he already waited at my door.

 **You're so stupid. You can't even keep people out of your house. And now, you're gonna go soft and let him in, give him some coffee and force yourself to go through all the small talk. Ha! Dumb. You've gone soft. Your dad would be so fucking disappointed. We're disappointed anyway, because everything you do is shit.**

I sigh. They were right. I am going to let him in and force myself to do small talk, because I had gone soft. I moved in direction of my door and let the ginger boy in. He rushed inside and sat down in my living room, looking around excitedly.

I followed him, but instead of going to the living area, I went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine.

'What coffee do you like?' I yelled to the living room and got a yelled 'With milk and sugar!' as a reply.

I quickly made a milk-sugar one for Ron and a black one for myself, then I joined him in my living room, sitting on the opposite couch.

'I like the aesthetic in your apartment.' The ginger boy commented and sipped his coffee.

'What are you doing here?' I ignored his compliment.

'Well, as I said, I'm here to check on Harrys home.'

'Then why are you here and not in his home?'

'Becaus-' my phone started ringing loudly, stopping Ron from finishing his sentence.

I excused myself and went to my bedroom to pick the call up.

'What?' I pressed the green button.

'Mr. Malfoy? I'm Mrs. Auburn Neal, and I'm calling from MLawyers.' I interrupted her.

'How did you get my number?'

'Your mother gave it to me. Well anyway-' I interrupted her again.

'Damn that woman. Let me guess. You want to know, when I will start at your company?'

'Yes…' she answered, a little frightened because I started shouting.

'You can tell that woman, that she can shove it up her fucking ass. I'm not interested in that job! How many times should I repeat that? I should get that tattooed on my forehead, so she'll remember.' She was bugging me about becoming the new CEO in her stupid lawyer company. She doesn't get, that I'd rather just spend days in my apartment, watch TV and just not do anything. But no – she thinks that because I'm her only son, I have to inherit the whole company, although I have no fucking idea about law and all that shit. I broke the law more often than she men's hearts [and she does have a ton of men, adoring her and throwing themselves at her, it's probably the money though].

'But Mr. Malfoy, I understand, that you don't want to, but I'm just doing my job. And if I can get you to accept I'm going to get a rise.' She explained.

'Why are you telling me this? I couldn't care less, if you'll get more money monthly or not. _C'est la vie_.'

'Okay, so I'll tell her, that you'll think about it.' And she hung up. Annoyed I turned around, opened my door, stomped into the small hallway and slammed it shut behind me. Then I stomped on, to the living room, where Ron looked curiously at me.

'What happened?' he asked.

'Nothing. It's just my stupid mother.' I tried not to yell at him. 'Ronald, could you just go – you said you needed to check on Harrys place. Not be here.'

'But… coffee…' he pointed at the cup, but then he thought it through. 'You're right. Thanks for having me.'

'Not my pleasure.'

'Well, see you!' he stood up and exited through my door, out of my apartment.

Pissed at myself I didn't really know, what to do.

 **You're such an annoying piece of shit.**

OH MY FUCKING GOD, CAN YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO HEAR YOUR FUCKING VOICES, JUST GO TO BED.

I hated myself right now. My mum wanted shit from me again, I met Jeff on the street, which means he's living somewhere nearby, I still didn't know what to do about Harry and ughhh.

But today started so well. I really had hoped, that it would be different from other days, finally a happy day, in between the sea of shitty days.

I decided, that only one thing could make this a less shitty day – going to a pub and getting blackout drunk again.

* * *

 _Hiii soooo yah. I finished! Yayay! i think. Well ihopeyouenjoyedit! byyyyee_


	11. Chapter 11

I decided, that only one thing could make this a less shitty day – going to a pub and getting blackout drunk again. I grabbed my wallet and put some shoes on.

A few minutes later I was already on the street. It started raining, but I didn't care.

My mum was still on my mind. What did she want from me? I was only 16 and she wanted me to be some stupid CEO of some stupid law firm, that she inherited from her dad. But she was the one, that made the company successful. Rebranding everything and getting the big customers.

Why would she trust me with such a responsible job?

I sigh. I didn't know and honestly, I didn't want to.

* * *

HARRYS POV

* * *

I opened my eyes again and saw a high ceiling above me. Somehow, I instantly knew, that I was in Hogwarts.

'Harry! You're up!' Hermione's voice called through the room, then her head popped up in my field of vision. 'You've been out for the last 15 hours! I'm so glad, that nothing happened to you! Don't ever do that again! You had us all worried to death!'

'Is Draco around?' I asked, because I didn't see him when I looked around the nursery.

'Why are you worried about that asshole? Isn't he the reason you ended up like this? You should've listened to me. I told you from the beginning that he was trouble.' She ranted.

'I am worried, because I love him. I thought I told you that already. Besides, it's my own choice if I care about someone or not. Where is Ron?'

'He is checking on your apartment if everything is okay and he'll probably have a word with that bastard of your neighbour.'

I sat up. What day was it? 'Can I go home?' I asked, a sudden tiredness infested me. I wanted to go home and sleep there, in my warm and cosy bed with the knowledge that the man I love was next door.

'Yes Mr. Potter. You should be fine now.' An old man's voice cut through the room and I recognised it.

'Professor Dumbledore, are you serious? He is in no condition to go! He should stay in bed and rest!' Hermione contradicted.

'Nah, what are you talking about! He is fine.' The elder said and nodded in my direction. He stretched his hand in my direction and I grabbed it, then everything was spinning, and I found myself in front of my building again, Dumbledore next to me. He nodded encouragingly, and I walked through the glass front door.

When I looked back, the professor was gone.

The elevator doors opened, and Draco stepped out, without noticing me. He was lost in thought and I didn't interrupt him, since he looked mad. What had happened?

I stepped in the elevator and it brought me to my floor. As soon as the doors opened, I saw Ron, standing in front of what used to be my front door and swinging his wand. Moments later, the door was in its old place again.

'Ron? What happened?' I stepped out into the hall.

Surprised, my friend turned around and a big smile brightened up his face. 'Harry! You're not dead!'

'Of course I'm not. But what happened to Draco? I just saw him go out and he looked very mad.'

'Oh, yeah, Malfoy. He… was kinda mad? I had coffee with him and then he got a call from his mum and then he made me leave. I think his mum told him something? I don't know. I tried eavesdropping but then again, I was scared he'd catch me. But he did yell some stuff about getting something tattooed on his forehead and then something in French, I think.'

'He can speak French?' I was impressed.

'I don't know.' Ron mumbled and then turned his attention back to the door. He opened it, closed it. 'It should be fine now.' He said then, proud of himself.

'Thanks. I'd invite you in, but I do need some more rest and if I understood you correctly, you had coffee with Draco, right?'

'Right.' My friend said. Then he added, 'Hey, earlier there was this guy on the street and Malfoy made me pretend to be together with him, so the other guy wouldn't bother him. I think you should check that out?'

'I didn't understand anything you just said, but yeah, I'll do that. Bye, Ron! See you next week in school!'

'Bye!' the other said back and went into the elevator, that was resting on this level since I took it to get up here.

Once he was gone, I opened my new door, I still didn't know, why my old one was bad or why it wasn't there anymore. What waited for me inside, surprised me like a tiger jumping towards you from the next bush.

It was clean.

My apartment was never clean. Never.

Everything had a place and order. All the pillows puffed and on the small couch. The papers, that I left scattered on my desk, were neatly piled up.

As much, as I'd loved to admire the clean version of my apartment, I was really exhausted and tired.

My bedroom was tidy too, but I barely noticed. I jumped onto the mattress and fell instantly asleep.

* * *

DRACOS POV

* * *

I found a gay bar, which I hadn't visited yet, and sat down at the counter. 'Give me some shots!' I demanded from the bartender and he did, after I showed him my fake ID. Pop music played in the background and I took one shot after the other. Once I finished the ones I ordered, I yelled for more.

'Hey, I know that you are underage, so what are you doing here? You are too young to drink your problems away.' The bartender addressed me after I finished my second round.

'Hah, I wish you were right. I wish, I could do that only for fun, but I do need to get my mind off things, at least for tonight. I just can't deal with things anymore.'

'Well, my shift ends in a few minutes and…' he put his hand on mine, 'Well, I could make you forget.' he was around 20, brown hair and hazel eyes.

'Are you honestly hitting on me? As you correctly assumed, I am underage. That doesn't bother you?' his eyes were clear, and I couldn't free myself from his gaze.

'Well, you do have a pretty good fake ID, so I don't see a problem here.'

'Wait, but you have to let me get more drunk. I'm not drunk enough to follow a stranger home just yet.' And he poured me some more shots, staring at me while I chugged everything down.

* * *

The next thing I knew, was that I was outside, the bartender pulling me by my hand, looking back and smiling.

We reached what seemed to be his place and he fiddled his keys out. He needed a few tries to open his door, when he finally opened it, he pulled me in, then he did the same at what I assumed to be his flat door.

He closed the door between us and pushed me against it, kissing me violently. He pushed himself so close to me, that there was almost no space between us. Then the guy started rubbing his crotch against mine, I could feel that he was hard.

For a moment he stopped kissing me and looked me in the eyes, then he tried picking me up, but due to his lack of muscles and slender frame, he couldn't.

I laughed a little and he smiled, a bit embarrassed.

'I'm not used to this, sorry.' He apologised and blushed a little.

'It's okay.' I let him pull me to his bedroom, where he pushed me onto the mattress and crawled on top of me. He started kissing me again, all over my face, while his hands were trying to get my shirt off. Once he succeeded, my shirt landed on the floor next to the bed. His kissed moved down onto my chest, his fingers tracing my muscles. He reached my stomach and a groan escaped my lips. It felt good, I didn't care that he was a stranger.

His fingers reached my jeans and his fingers pulled my pants and underwear down at the same time, freeing my dick.

Then he suddenly sat up and stood up, going to a drawer. He searched in it and then came back with a scarf and some handcuffs.

'Do you care for making it a bit, spicier here?' he said with a smirk and I didn't have any objections.

* * *

 _Okay. So I debated, if I should use_ dick _or not [because I don't like that word idk y] but it did seem better than_ beaver basher _or_ beef whistle. A and sorry for that sex-scene? Idk. I hope u liked it! /?


	12. Chapter 12

WARNING DETAILED KIND-OF-SEX-SCENE AHEAD! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THAT, SKIP TO THE NEXT LINE-THINGY!

~the author

* * *

'Do you care for making it a bit, spicier here?' he said with a smirk and I didn't have any objections.

He understood, that I was okay with it and came back, sitting down next to my head. He lifted it and put the scarf under my head, then he put it back onto the mattress and tied it around my eyes. The scarf smelled clean and felt soft.

I felt him take my arm and put it into the handcuff, then I felt him pull it a bit up and it sounded like he put it around one of the bars in the middle of his bed and then cuffing my other hand to the other side of the same handcuff.

I could feel his hand stroke my cheek, then he pressed his lips against mine. His hands wandered around on my body. He stopped for a little and I think he undressed himself, because moments later, he laid down on me again, his bare skin touching mine. It felt really good.

'Hey, do you smoke?' the guy on top of me asked.

'Never tried it, why?'

'Do you want a smoke?' I could hear that he had something in his mouth, probably said smoke.

'Uh, sure?' I could hear the click of a lighter and then something invading my mouth. He put the cigarette between my lips and kissed my cheek.

I inhaled some of the smoke and coughed instantly. The thick smoke forced itself slowly through my body into my lungs, pressing the clean air out.

The other didn't seem to notice my chocking and continued to cover me with his kisses.

Then I felt his fingers grabbing my dick out of the blue and since I couldn't see anything, it did surprise me what led to me gasping for air a lot. But that was not that easy, because of the cigarette in my mouth.

I felt his face next to my ear. 'Oh god, you're so hot.'

Shivers ran down my spine, but in a good way.

He took the cigarette out of my mouth and possibly smoked it himself now.

His hand did amazing things to me and soon I was twitching but couldn't move too much, because of the cuffs.

'Are you still a virgin?' he whispered into my ear again, blowing smoke in it.

'N-no.' I managed to say, not being able to breathe because of his hand.

'Are you lying? Because if you are, this is not gonna end well for you.' Without letting me answer he let go of my dick, which made me physically hurt, and went further down. Then something cold and wet touched my rectum, I assumed it was his spit or some Vaseline. Then I felt his finger inside me, stretching me. When he finished, he leaned forward to my face, to my ear and pressed the cigarette to it. Sharp pain gathered in the area and I felt the burn, but before I could yell and protest, he pressed his lips against mine, muting my screams and I felt him getting into me. A new kind of pain jolted through my body, damping the one by my ear.

I couldn't speak, protest. I couldn't move, not even see. I could only feel, feel pleasurable pain, feel him inside me, getting faster. Feel him touching me.

And everything else faded out, went numb.

* * *

I felt a body lying on me, pressing down my chest, between my legs, my wrists painful and fixed to something above my head. I couldn't see, I had a cloth tied around my head.

The mattress I was lying on was disgustingly sticky, the same applied to the sheets I was covered in.

The body on top me was getting heavy and I tried to shake it off me.

I had absolutely no clue what happened yesterday, and I was too scared to remember.

I think I woke the person up, that was lying on me, because I felt them shift and get up. Then someone's lips pressed against mine. 'Good morning sunshine.'

'Hi, could you please untie my blindfold?' I asked and added 'Could I also get some painkillers? My head is killing me.' I didn't mention that my hips were hurting as well, he didn't need to know that.

I felt him gently untie the knot and pulling down the blindfold. Hazel eyes crossed mine and I remembered everything at once, but I didn't let the horror on my face show, when I realised what we did last night.

He cupped my face and pressed another kiss on my lips, then he stood up and vanished through the door with a 'Painkillers and water coming right up!'

I tried to move my hands, to sit up on the bed, but as soon as I moved them, a very harsh pain shot me multiple times. 'Aaah!' I hissed.

The other guy came back into the room, seeing my face spoiled with pain.

'Oh, right. I gotta uncuff you too.' And he put the glass of water and the two white tablets on the nightstand next to me. Then he reached into a drawer in that nightstand and took out a small key. 'You were great last night.' He smiled at me while putting the key into the keyhole in one handcuff.

I pulled my painful wrist out and looked at it. The metal cut it pretty badly and it was swollen red.

The guy unlocked the other one as well and it didn't look better.

'Wait, I'll bring you some bandages.' And he disappeared again, leaving me on the bed.

I reached for the painkillers and chocked then down, then I drank the whole glass of water, before the brown-haired came back. He was holding two rolls of white bandages and gave them to me.

'Sorry 'bout that.' He apologised. 'I had fun, though. I hope we can do that again!' he smiled and watched as I carefully wrapped the bandages around my wrists.

'Can I take a shower? After that I'll be gone.' I asked and he nodded, pointing at the door he disappeared through.

'Down the hall and then left.' he instructed me.

I stood up and followed his directions. His bathroom was small and had only the bare necessities, but it was enough.

I looked at myself in the mirror above the small sink. Grey eyes stared back at me from a face that didn't look like me. Dark bags under my eyes, very pale skin and my hair sticky and greasy. But what shocked me the most, was my right ear. There was a red circle on my ear. Where did it come from? Why was it there? And then I remembered. The guy… pressed his cigarette onto my ear to put it out. Shit.

And then I noticed, that I couldn't take a shower, because I was wearing these bandages on my wrists and I had to take them off again, to my discomfort. I showered quickly, using his shampoo and conditioner, before drying myself in one of the towels I found. I put on the bandages again. The water and shampoo burned in the wound and the bandages would help to keep it sturdy.

I had to confront him about what he did to me. To my ear and my wrists and generally my body.

'Hey, what the fuck is that on my ear, care to explain?' I said with anger while exiting the bathroom.

'Huh? That? That's nothing. Why are you complaining? You had a great night and I did take your mind off things. Can't you be grateful?' he was sitting in his kitchen at a table and was reading a newspaper.

'Seriously? You fucking abused me physically. You _hurt_ me and I have a _permanent wound_.'

'Well what are you gonna do about it? Huh? Go to the police? Who do you think they'll believe more – a skinny fag like you or the son of the Police inspector?' he laughed without even looking up from his newspaper.

'You know what? Go to hell. I'm not a skinny fag, I am the son of the CEO of _the_ biggest lawyer firm. You bitch. I'm going.' And I stormed into his bedroom to collect my clothing, changed into it and left the hazel-eyed dudes apartment.

I called a taxi and drove home in it, I was in no condition to walk.

The car arrived in front of my building and after I paid the driver, I took the elevator up to the 24thstory, my floor.

The elevator arrived, and I started to search for my keys as Harrys door opened and his head popped out.

'Draco, you… look like a mess. What happened?' he said calmly, and I knew that he didn't mean it as an insult.

And then I broke, right in front of him. I shattered on the floor, tears raining down my face. I felt him getting closer to me, sitting on the floor next to me. His arms closed around me and his warmth was comforting. I've never been held like that before. Not even my parents hugged me like that. My mum just puts her arms around me for a few seconds and lets me go, cold as ever.

'It's okay. It'll be fine. You're fine now, I'm here.' Harry mumbled into my shoulder.

'Today was supposed to be good. Why can't anything be good. I don't want this, this is bullshit.' I cried, but Harry probably didn't understand much, because I was so hysterical.

We sat like that for a few minutes, then Harry let go, to my dislike.

'Come on in, let's not stay here in the hall. It's cold here.' And he pulled me up on my feet and I followed him inside his cosy apartment. I instantly felt better. He offered me some coffee and I gladly accepted.

While he was preparing the beverage, I sat down on his small couch and took deep breaths to calm myself down.

* * *

 _Hi. Yah. Another chapter. Yayayay. It's shit, I know. I'm sorry._


	13. Chapter 13

While he was preparing the beverage, I sat down on his small couch and took deep breaths to calm myself down. I was so embarrassed of my breakdown. But I couldn't control myself. It was just too much.

Harry came back with a big cup filled with coffee.

'Here.' He said, giving it to me. 'Black, right?'

'Yeah, thank you.' I whispered into the cup.

'So, do you want to talk about what happened?' he asked gently.

'No.' My voice cracked.

'Okay.'

Silence. I looked at Harry. He was staring in front of him, trying to pull himself together. Was I unfair? Should I tell him, what happened? Wouldn't that worry him even more?

'I was… drinking again last night.' I said, fixating on his face.

His only reaction was a sigh. He was disappointed.

'And then I met this guy…' I continued and as soon as I said "guy" he looked up, worried, but didn't say anything. 'He was nice at first, but then he turned out to be an asshole. And yah. That's basically it.'

Harry hugged me once again. 'Thanks for telling me.' And I knew, that he knew that this wasn't the full truth. I appreciated, that he wasn't prying.

We sat there, he hugging me and I sipping my coffee, for about half an hour, then I talked again.

'Harry, you like me, right?' he looked me in my eyes.

'Of course! But I'd rather say, that I love you, not just like.' He smiled a bit embarrassed.

'But why?'

'How do you mean?' I could hear the confusion in his voice clearly.

'I mean, I am an asshole, I was never friendly to you and well I have a lot of issues and problems. How could you fall in love with such a mess like me?' I stared into his eyes, but he looked away.

'You are always honest and tell everyone what's on your mind, even if it might insult the other person. You simply don't care. You never treated me differently from others since I declined you to be your friend – remember? The first time we met?'

Of course, I did. I was so mad, that he didn't want to be friends with me. Once I found out, that _Harry Potter_ would be in my grade, I figured that he and I would be friends, but that did not happen.

'I was so mad, when you didn't want to.'

'Yeah, we were so young back then. Worrying about the stupidest things.' He smiled. 'Well, during our second year I noticed that I didn't hate you, but cared about you instead. I even planned on confessing. In the end I didn't have courage to do it, until well, the kiss.'

'I don't know, how 12 year-old-me would have reacted.' I smiled back.

'Since when do you know about you being gay?' Harry asked and cuddled me even more.

'I guess since always.'

'I didn't know before I met you.' He confessed. 'How many… boyfriends… did you have?'

I thought for a while before answering. 'About two serious relationships and a lot of one-night stands.'

'I've never had sex.' He whispered.

'It's okay, there is always a first time.' I encouraged him, I didn't want him to be sad. He should be happy.

'How was your first time?' he looked into my eyes again and I tried not to blush.

'This is a story for another time.' It was embarrassing.

'Oh, come on! Please tell me!' he smiled and laughed at me.

'Look at the time! I have to go now!' I stood up vastly and trotted in direction of Harrys door. The boy followed.

As I reached for the doorknob, he turned me around and kissed me.

Softly I pushed him a bit away, his eyes were so hurt, it physically hurt me.

'I still have to figure things out, okay?' I asked gently and hugged him.

Then I opened the door and closed it behind me, without looking at the heartbroken boy behind them. I really didn't want to use him, but he needed to give me some time. I'm not going to rush into things. I'm not going to repeat the same mistake as last night over and over again.

I unlocked my own door and as soon as I set a foot in my apartment, my phone began to ring. With a look at it, I picked annoyed up.

'What is it, mother?'

'Hello dear.'

A pause.

'I heard, that you are going to think about that position?' she finally cut straight to the point.

'You heard wrong. I am not going to take over your stupid company.'

'Draco, I am sorry to do this.'

'Do what?' I was confused. What did she mean by that?

'If you're not going to take the position, I'll have to cut your pocket money. Meaning, I'm not going to pay for your apartment, food-money nor for your leisure.'

'You wouldn't do that.' She was spoiling me since I was born, she wouldn't just stop now, right?

'I would.' She sounded determined and I knew, she wasn't joking.

'FINE. You win, mum, I'll do your stupid job. But only when you move out of London and you'll stop sending those stupid psychologists and psychiatrists. These are my only conditions. À PRENDRE OU A LAISSER.' I started yelling. Her voice only was more than enough to make me madder than a bull in front of a red cloth.

After some time, she replied. 'Deal. I was thinking of moving to Hawaii anyways.' And then she hung up.

Damn that woman. She might be the reason I'm gay. I might have thought that all women are like that and that repulsed me.

A _pingg_ made me look at my phone again. It was a DM from Luna. I opened it quickly.

LOVEGOODLU: Heyyy Draco! How r u

 _dracolikessnakes: I'm fine I think. had a rough night._

LOVEGOODLU: ohnoo, wat happened?

 _dracolikessnakes: nothing much… hbu?_

LOVEGOODLU: i think I aced the test in potions! thanks 4 ur help!

 _dracolikessnakes: i'm so glad u did it! well done!_

LOVEGOODLU: thanks! U wanna meet up again? This time maybe ur place? I think Hogwarts is not quiet enough. And u can tell me what happened!

 _dracolikessnakes: yeah, sure!_

LOVEGOODLU: hb tonight? Is that ok w u?

 _dracolikessnakes: sure! I'm looking forward to it!_

I got off my phone and sigh. Today is gonna be a harsh day.

* * *

 _Hiii I hope u liked this chapter it's a bit shorter but I'm tired as fuck ^^_


	14. Chapter 14

Today is gonna be a harsh was for sure.

As soon, as I put my phone down, it started ringing again. I didn't know the number, but I still picked it up.

'Hi, Mr. Malfoy. It's Mrs. Neal again! I'm so glad, that you took the position. Should I send a

'Why would I need a car?' I asked, already knowing the answer.

'Well, you are our new boss, right? So you should see your new office and maybe prepare a speech for the workers, so they'll get to know you better. I'll invite reporters too, it's good marketing.' She just didn't stop speaking.

'If I tell you to send a car, will you stop speaking?' I asked and she answered instantly.

'Well, for now yes, but we're gonna need to talk about this stuff anyways at some point…'

'FINE. Send a car.' And I hung up.

I'll have to introduce myself to my workers, she had a point.

While walking into my closet and looking around for some halfway formal clothes, I thought about what I wanted to say in my speech. I didn't want to seem intimidating, but not too friendly either. I knew, that this was going to be though.

I finally decided on a matte black suit, that had flowery patterns, that stood out a little, because they weren't matte. A black button down and a tie, which was also black.

A buzzing sound signalised, that my driver has arrived and is waiting for me downstairs. I threw the clothes on, that I picked and ran out of my apartment, closing it and taking the elevator downstairs. I hated to keep anyone waiting.

Downstairs, my driver was waiting. He was strongly build and has short black hair. He smiled a polite smile, when he saw me and gestured me with his hand, to get inside a matte black Escalade Cadillac.

As I approached the car, he opened the back door and held it open for me. It was very spacious and it smelled nice and leathery.

I sat down on one of the leather seats and my driver closed the door, before getting into the driver's seat. He started the engine and got on the road smoothly. Actually the whole ride was very smooth and I'm sure that it's because of the guys driving skills.

We finally arrived at the tall company building – my company building.

The door to my right was opened for me. I exited the vehicle and looked around, but there was nothing special in this parking lot.

I looked up and saw a middle aged woman speed walking towards me. She had some folders in her hands and she looked stressed. When she reached me, I noticed, that she probably hadn't showered since ages.

'Mr. Malfoy, there you are. I'm Mrs. Neal! You look like your mother, has anyone ever told you?' She blurred out. She looked exactly how I pictured her. Messy dirty-blonde hair, glasses that didn't frame her face well, slightly tanned and too short clothing, bringing out all the wrong curves. I sigh.

'Yes. I get that a lot. Can we get this over with quickly?'

'Of course. Please come along this way.' She headed towards the elevator that she came from.

'Are my mother's belongings moved out yet?' I asked once we got inside, my driver stayed in the parking lot.

'Well, almost. They'll be gone, by the time you will be officially working here.'

'Meaning when?'

'In about a week, I assume. But that depends on you, Mr. Malfoy.' I had a feeling, that she waited for me to assure her, that I'll be ready to work here soon, possibly sooner than a week.

'Well, I do need to do some research and I'd prefer to do it from home. So maybe make it two weeks.'

'It's not a problem, if you prefer to work from home. I'd actually advise you to. It'd be very stressful to work from here. The only times you'd have to come to the office, would be if something bad happened or if you'd have a meeting.'

'Okay then.'

The elevator door opened and we got out on the 68thfloor – the top floor of the building.

* * *

HARRYS POV

* * *

That one moment. It won't leave me alone. It keeps on repeating itself and it keeps on driving me insane. Did I do something wrong?

I closed my eyes and the scene played once again.

I turned him around, his bright hair looking so soft, his eyes fluid silver mixed with stars straight from the sky. The courage that filled me in that split second. Then next thing I know, is that my lips are pressed against his, so warm and cold at the same time. So sweet but also bitter.

And then the part that messed everything up. His soft hand on my chest, pushing me so gently away, scared I'll break. And I'd love to say, that I won't break, that I'm strong, but alone the fact that I can't get this moment out of my head means that I'm broken. Messed up. And strangely I don't mind, because it was Draco who broke me.

Aaah, this all sounds so cringy.

I looked outside my window, trying to clear my mind. Downstairs on the street was a car parked, but it looked odd. It wasn't normal or classy like the other cars and their owners that lived on this street, it was even more elegant, more like a limousine than a family or sports car.

The one thing, that didn't surprise me though, was that it was my neighbour, that got into the backseat, while another guy got into the driver's seat. Of course Draco had a car like that and he obviously had a chauffeur. He was a Malfoy after all.

But then something hit me. Didn't he talk about a guy earlier? And that that guy was the reason he was all… shattered. That asshole, that he told me about.

What if that car would bring my love to him again? I didn't miss the bandages of Draco's wrists either – something happened. Something, that shouldn't happen again.

I ran out of my flat, calling the elevator. On the street I stopped a cab and got in quickly.

'Could you go after that fancy black car, please?' I told the driver and got a weird look in return, before he started his car and tailed the car that Draco got in.

* * *

Hii, sooo I know I didn't upload for a LONG time… but I did now? Idk. I hope someone likes this crap. And sorry of this isn't that interesting, draco needs to figure his shit out and sorry that harry is such a fangirl. I hope I can upload soon again?


End file.
